Monday, December 30, 2013



One of the things I often find myself thinking while watching Bailee, is "If she would just want to do it, she could."
How do you teach someone, especially a child, to have desire? 
What is desire? It's a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen. 
What is ambition??? A strong desire to do or to achieve something, typically requiring determination and hard work. 
Can this even be taught? Where does this reside in ourselves and how do we find it?

Something completely unexpected happened to me when I started Crossfit...I am learning how to push myself. Its one of my biggest hopes for Bailee, but I am realizing I need to live with more desire too. Desire to push harder, do just a little more, try a little harder, even when its really hard or painful. This morning, at the end of the workout, the last set, I only had 12 Abmat sit ups to go. Doesn't sound bad, right? Well it wouldn't be bad if I actually had abs and hadn't done anything else yet. How hard could 12 sit ups be? I thought "Only 12...crank them out." Then I did 2 and was sitting up slower and slower each time. I paused again..."10 can do this." In that moment I realized I was faced with a decision. What do I desire? To keep going and push through the pain? Or to be defeated? I could have stopped, but that wasn't a choice I would allow (neither would Coach Kelsey.) I was going slower and slower...and slower. Then I thought to myself "Why am I here? What am I trying to accomplish?" I want to get stronger...but the only way to get stronger is to do more and push through it when you think you can't. 
I kept going and finished the workout. Then it happened....I didn't die. My mind tells me how bad it hurts, how I can't breath, how I have asthma and a super fast heart rate, and that I may actually die from sit ups. But I didn't.

Somewhere in those moments I chose to desire more than the pain that I was experiencing. This has been a huge lesson for me. When it gets hard and painful and everything in myself is telling me to stop or face a painful death, I can't. I have to remember to keep pushing, that I can do 1 more, and 1 more. 
I can rest more after the workout, keep pushing, keep going.

So, no. I don't think you can teach someone to have ambition and desire for something greater. Coach Kelsey is very motivating, but only I can turn on that piece inside myself. I do believe Crossfit has put me in a situation that has exposed me to a moment where I need to find this place. Every time I am at the gym I have a choice to make. What am I willing to do, how hard will I push? I am pushing myself more than I ever would have, and learning that my limit is way bigger than I ever imagined. Here's to a new approach to having desire and ambition in my life.
Get out of that comfort zone and go for something bigger.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Where Are You Christmas??

Where are you Christmas? Where have you gone?

It's Christmas Eve 2013. I find my facebook feed filled with friends' posts about how nothing is done, everything is a mess, presents aren't wrapped, turkey isn't cooked, and overall they just say it doesn't "feel" like Christmas. What does Christmas feel like? Does it only feel right when there is snow on the ground and presents wrapped under the tree? Do we hear our kids saying it doesn't feel like Christmas? Not really. They are just as excited as ever. What is this feeling that we have lost as we have grown into adults and parents?

When did we lose this magical feeling? It seems to wander further away each year as our stress increases with the need to save money to buy more presents. When we put demands on ourselves to make teachers hand made gifts we found off of Pinterest, or have home made cookies for all our gifts, hand embellished stockings for all our family, including our pets.

Didn't have time to hand make a wreath with the spruce you picked from your stroll in the woods, and hand picked cranberries from the bog? Didn't make home made soap either? That's okay. Only Martha Stewart actually does that stuff year after year. It's time to get our heads out of the idea that Christmas is only magical if we do all this stuff. The kids could care less about these superhuman powers it takes to get it all done. Our neighbors don't like us better for it, they probably like us worse. In reality, when we see all these "perfect" things happening, it only reminds us of what we didn't do. Don't let that ruin Christmas and the spirit of Christmas for you and your family. 

Today, I declare on Christmas Eve, we just say no to all that crap on Pinterest, be okay with dog hair on the floor, gifts stuffed in Hello Kitty birthday gift bags (because digging the holiday bags out of the attic was too much work.) Be okay with only a few ornaments on a tree, or a tree at all. Be okay with not a single light put outside on the house, and be okay that our spending budget is a little less this year.  Its even okay that the Elf on the Shelf didn't come out of the box until three days ago, and is happy staying in one spot, on the tree. 

It's time to reclaim Christmas. It's time to find it once again.
Where did it go? Where are you Christmas?
Christmas is in's up to us to share the spirit and not look for it in the things we do or give. It's time to teach our children once again what Christmas is about.
Give to others, share in memories, and don't stress over the other stuff.

The song "Where Are You Christmas" really sums it up. 
Take back your Christmas, find it inside yourself and share.

Where are you Christmas 
Why can't I find you 
Why have you gone away 
Where is the laughter 
You used to bring me 
Why can't I hear music play 

My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too

Where are you Christmas
Do you remember
The one you used to know
I'm not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you have let me go

Christmas is here
Everywhere, oh
Christmas is here
If you care, oh

If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas
I know I've found you
You never fade away
The joy of Christmas
Stays here inside us
Fills each and every heart with love

Where are you Christmas
Fill your heart with love